Shooting Star
by iloveromance
Summary: After her fall from political scandal and resigning from her State's Attorney position, Alicia must return to her former job where memories and insecurities surround her. (Episode: "Winning Ugly")


_**A/N: It never fails to amaze me how many times this show manages to make my jaw drop, or scream at the television in disbelief, and "Winning Ugly" is no exception. I really liked this episode but this is how I really wish the scenes with Alicia at Lockhart/Gardner had transpired.**_

The ugly words resonated loudly in her head;

" _I have evidence to prove that Alicia Florrick tampered with the voting machines."  
_

 _"You must step down immediately or suffer the consequences."  
_

 _"Alicia Florrick stole this election."  
_

 _"Alicia Florrick has been lying to me throughout this whole investigation."  
_

 _"The party will take care of you."  
_

The tears fell down her cheeks and she refused to make eye contact with anyone in the building. She'd been thrust into a political scandal and she hadn't even officially taken office as the State's Attorney. Nor had she done anything wrong. But those things didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

Never had she felt so betrayed, not only by the election board but by Spencer Randolph. How could he have turned on her this way? How could he have been so cruel? How could anyone? It was bad enough that he'd betrayed her once, by pretending to advocate for her only to reveal that he was going after Peter. But this…. This was beyond the scope of anything she could have ever imagined.

As she waited for the elevator that would take her to the offices of Stern, Lockhart and Gardner; the place where she'd spent so much time, the place that was like home to her, she began to remember all the hours she'd spent reading about Mr. Randolph, listening to his speeches, taking wisdom from his words; hours she could have spent with Grace, calling Zach at Georgetown… repairing her marriage. She thought that Spencer Randolph was a great man; a decent man, a man who could influence her to change the world.

But now…

As she walked to the elevator that would take her to the 29th floor, more tears escaped and she was grateful that the doors chose that moment to open. But she'd barely walked inside when she broke down, sobbing as she leaned against the wall.

The elevator, which was normally painfully slow, reached the floor in record time, and she hesitated before walking out into the open. She prayed that no one would see her because she knew that she looked completely awful.

Slowly she made her entrance, walking head first into familiarity. The office hadn't changed one bit in the short time since she'd been away. Directly in front of her was Diane's office which was buzzing with activity as usual. She didn't have to turn her head to know that Cary's office was to the left, and her own-well, her former, was nearby. But it was the large office to her right that made her breath catch in her throat, and her heart race.

Her gaze remained on the space where she'd spent so much time; the space that was now occupied by someone else; David Lee. It had been well over a year and she should have expected it, but it didn't seem right. It wasn't his place, it was Will's. It was a place where she'd found comfort, love and even passion, all of which were taken away from her in one horrifying moment.

Suddenly her chest hurt. It hurt badly. Suppressing a sob, she put her hand over her mouth. What was she thinking coming here? The fact that she'd disgraced herself hurt bad enough but she didn't count on the memories coming here would bring.

 _Memories…_

 _So many memories._

The pain in her chest grew worse and she realized what a horrible mistake she'd made in coming her. It was too soon; much too soon.

Grateful that she hadn't spoken to anyone since she'd arrived at Lockhart/Gardner, she was sure that she could easily slip out unnoticed. It would be brief, and she could return to the comfort of her own home, where she could curl up in a ball in her bed, alone with her thoughts.

"Alicia?"

She whirled around, surprised by the sound of her name. And she almost flinched at the sight of the man who had gone from a so-called rival to a trusted friend.

"Cary."

The smile he gave her was genuine yet sympathetic and it was all she could do keep her tears at bay. He stared at her for a moment as though he wasn't sure what to say next. "I-um, was hoping you'd drop by."

She nodded. "Well, it's not like I have anywhere else to go, right?"

He reached for her hand. "Alicia, come on. You know you're always welcome here."

The words of kindness were all it took for the dam to break and she burst into tears.

Cary hesitated only for a second before his arms went around her, offering her comfort in his soothing embrace. His hand moved slowly up and down her back. "Hey… come on now…"

She clung to him, grateful to have found someone who cared. And when she was sure that she was all cried out, she drew back in embarrassment. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. I'm just glad you're here." He replied. "We were worried about you."

She looked at him in surprise. " _We?_ "

A figure stepped in front of her and smiled. "Yes, _we_. It's good to see you, Alicia."

Alicia tried to smile at her former boss. "Well, as you can see Diane, I'm a complete mess. I don't know what I was thinking, coming here. I don't… belong here anymore."

Diane gave Alicia a look that she'd seen hundreds of times before; the look that said that Diane didn't believe a word of what she was saying. "Of course you belong here. Why would you think otherwise?"

Alicia looked away, embarrassed. "I-"

"You're wrong." Diane said firmly, before Alicia had a chance to answer. "You still have a place here at Lockhart/Gardner. There was never any doubt or question about that."

"I appreciate the confidence Diane, but I doubt anyone would want to hire me to represent them now."

"Damn it, Alicia! Stop this!" Diane ordered, surprising her. "You're one of the best lawyers in Chicago and that's a fact!"

"And you didn't do anything wrong!" Cary pointed out. "You don't deserve this!"

"But it doesn't matter, Cary!" Alicia protested. "My career; my reputation is still ruined. The media-."

"-are jackasses!" Diane continued for her. "If they think that you had anything to do with-Alicia, where are you going?"

But Diane's voice faded away as Alicia woodenly crossed the carpeted office until she came to the door- _his_ door. Although he was no longer there, and would never be again, she could still feel his presence as she pressed her hand against the wood grain of the door and closed her eyes.

 _"I'm so sorry, Will…. I'm so sorry…"_

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she imagined his arms around her, his lips on hers, the way he-

"Alicia-."

Diane's voice cut into her thoughts but she continued to stare at the door, her hand moving up and down the smooth wood grain. "I'm glad he's not here, actually. Isn't that a terrible thing to say?"

When there was no immediate response, she turned to find Cary and Diane staring at her in disbelief. "It's horrible of me to say that, isn't it?"  
Cary and Diane exchanged glances. And after a brief silence, Cary spoke first. "No, actually. It's not."

She was grateful to him for answering her rhetorical question but it wasn't the answer she wanted to hear. And Diane was as perplexed as she. The lawyer's eyes moved from Diane to Cary and then back again. "Alicia, what are you saying?"

"Will.." Alicia said. "I love him, but…"

Diane raised her brow. "I don't understand."

"I'm glad he's not here." Alicia said as her voice broke. "To see me this way."

Now it was Cary who was confused. "What do you mean? What way?"

" _This_ way, Cary! As _a failure_!" Alicia blurted out. And seconds later she began to cry again.

Diane and Cary went to her at once, hugging her tightly as she cried.

"Alicia you're _not_ a failure." Diane said. "You're not! And you know that Will would be proud of you. He was always proud of you. I may not have approved of your relationship with him at first, but I could tell how much you loved him-and he loved you. It's not your fault that any of this happened and if he were here-."

Her voice caught and was dangerously close to breaking, before she quickly steadied it. "If Will were here, he'd do everything he could to make this right. I know that he would demand that you be given your position back at the firm. You worked hard to get here and you worked tirelessly on your campaign. You deserved that State's Attorney position and I'm so sorry that things turned out this way. But we-Cary and I-want you to know how valuable you are to us and to this firm. We need you. But we know how difficult this is and we insist that you take all the time you need."

Alicia brushed away tears and hugged them both. "Thank you."

"Now go home and get some rest. I'll call you tomorrow."

Alicia nodded tearfully and smiled as she turned on her heel and went to the elevator. She could hardly wait to get home to Zach and Grace; two people that she knew without a doubt loved her. And there was nothing stronger than the love between a mother and her children.

She would be all right. She was sure of it. As Sojourner Truth once said; "I'm not going to die. I'm going home like a shooting star."

THE END

 _ **A/N: As always reviews are appreciated and my sincerest thanks for taking the time to read my stories.**_


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